E - Emotional

 Going through cancer is definitely an emotional experience, for the patient and the caretaker. The first time you hear the “C” word it stuns, it pierces, it shocks. Babe and I both had the same thoughts around it all. What will happen to my spouse, our children, our home, our life?! The thoughts and feelings whirl inside like an emotional tornado.

We sat and listened to the doctor tell us what the next steps would be, took it all in, and we quietly walked to our car, holding hands – holding on to each other really- and drove home. We didn’t talk too much about it until we went to bed and lay there trying to remember everything we heard that day, then we looked at each other, knowing we were both hurting and confused and we cried. We cried and cried until we could cry no more. When we got it all out, we prayed. We asked the Lord for wisdom to make the right decisions, strength and discernment. And we placed it all at our Father’s feet. Let go. Let God.  

The next few weeks were appointments with specialist, CT scans, MRI’s, and PET scans…all to see where the tumors were and to see if the cancer had spread. Two of the tumors had attacked his lymph nodes, one on each side; this was frightening because the lymph nodes would indicate that cancer was all over his body. Babe said, “If this cancer has spread, we are packing our bags, going to our home state and I’m saying goodbye to our family.” Oh the emotions!! I want to see everyone but not for this - not to say goodbye!

Everyone I knew that prayed received a text! Soon those texts became updates and the updates became the emotional map to direct the prayer warriors in their prayers.  The encouragement that we received was overwhelming. These warriors put their spiritual armor on and the battle was on!

We knew that Babe would beat this. We knew because we were given the peace that surpasses all understanding. I can truly say that I have experienced that peace. When our life was turned upside down, there was peace. When the port, for chemo was surgically put in Babe’s chest, there was peace. When the mold of his upper chest and face was made, there was peace. When we realized all of this was gettin’ real – there was peace. We didn’t understand why and how we had this peace but it solidified knowing that the Lord was with us.

I know I have mentioned it before (and you will likely read it again if you follow me to Z) that our church family came alongside and held us up to the throne of grace. We had to stop going to church to keep Babe healthy as his immune system became more compromised, so the Church came to us. Friends stopped by to pray over us, to give us emotional strength. Family called and cried and prayed on the phone with us and for us, and it filled us with peace. We praise God for our family and friends.

We are not out of the woods yet but every day there is progress. Later this year we will cross another bridge as we will go back for more tests and radiation for prostate cancer. For now, we keep pressing on, keep praying, and keep believing. 

The Lesson: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil.4 :6-7

*Oh yeah, the cancer had killed the lymph nodes and was contained in the neck and contained in the prostate. No spreading at all.  The first victory! Praise Jesus!

Pouring hope, 
Nen ♥