O - Openness

I haven't said much about Babe in the last few posts so I thought I'd update. "Only God," has been our theme throughout this cancer journey because we knew that Only God would see us through. It's been the hardest thing either one of us has ever been through. I knew, from all the meetings with doctors before treatments began, that he would have some really sucky days and knew that they would be super hard for him. I am thrilled to report that there are less and less sucky days for him! He is able to speak again, eat again and even do a little yard work. He is still zapped of energy easily and food doesn't taste great yet but it's not repulsive anymore - so no more protein shakes! He seriously never wants to drink another one of those again -ever! He isn't losing weight anymore, hasn't gained any either, but not losing is huge! It was a very, very quiet month. I am so happy to have someone to converse with again. All glory to God!

My heart has ached at watching my husband heal through this. He looks different, sounds different, and has had no get-up-and-go-juice. He has kept to himself most of the time, which is very different for us, we usually talk a lot and laugh a lot. Things were so quiet for so long I was getting depressed, so one day we decided that openness was necessary. We shared what we were going through. He told me how he was feeling and how much he hated being in this state and didn't really see that it would ever get better. I shared how hard it was to watch him, that I missed him terribly and that I felt so helpless but that I was not hopeless. I had enough hope for both of us! This openness is what pushed us over a hurdle we didn't even know we were stuck at until we were on the other side of it. Sharing how we were experiencing the whole situation helped us realize that we were going through cancer together but from very different perspectives. We were in the same boat but one was getting beat by the sun and the other was under an umbrella - me. I am in no way saying that I know how it feels to go through cancer, I do not. I just know what it feels like to watch the person I love go through it. And he told me he was really grateful for my openness because it helped him get out of his own head and to realize that I was in this too.

Empathy on both parts is what we needed. It was very healing for us and made us stronger, closer, more connected. Living out our vows is what we're doing - in sickness and in health. There are events in life, some tragic, that we go through that bond us to people, whether it be siblings, friends, or other family members. This event, for Babe and me, has definitely bonded us more than we were before. There is no one in the world I love more trust more or want to live out the rest of my life with. I thank God for all the lessons and the growth through the pain. 

There is a line in a movie that we both like to quote, the husband is dying and the adult children go to see their dad to say their good-byes. When the wife opens the door she tells her children, "I am uninterested in a life without your father." That's exactly how we feel. In our openness with each other we ended with that, "I am uninterested in a life without you," and we held each other. 

The lesson: Openness helps us understand each other. 

Pouring hope, 
Nen♥