S - Shooting Our Own Wounded

Many years ago, I went through a divorce. It was the toughest decision of my life because I had come from a lot of divorce - 7 total between my parents. I was three when my parents ended their marriage, so I grew up going back and forth to each parent's home, it was all I knew.  Some people believe that divorce comes easy, maybe that is true for some, and I know the laws in certain states have made it very easy, but it took me five years to make that decision. I cried for many years about it, and asked God to forgive me for even thinking about it. The part that hurt so much was knowing, from my own experience, that my boys would forever have this defining timeline in their lives, "That's the year my parents divorced." They will always know exactly how old they were when their parents split. I hated that I was going to put that marker in their lives. 

Divorce comes with a tremendous amount of shame, so much it crushes the spirit. I was married for 20 years and prior to ever thinking about divorce I was one of those who would say, "How can people just throw all those years away?" I can tell you that when a marriage has lasted so long, no one is throwing it away, they are making a super hard decision. And for a believer, they are carrying a tremendous amount of guilt. There is so much crying, praying, and what was once pleading to heal the marriage turns into begging to be released from it.

 Christians can be tough on those  who go through divorce (or have been through it), I had phone calls from well-meaning people telling me that what I was doing was sinful, wrong, horrible for my children, and on and on. All of those things are true, they are, but no one was better at beating me with a stick than I was! I certainly  wasn't taking it lightly. I am in no way condoning divorce. It is tragic to go through, it does hurt more than just the two, and if there are children they get the worst of it. All I'm saying is that we need to be more sensitive to the pain people are going through, and when they've made that painstaking decision- do not kick them when they're already down. 

When I was at my lowest low, and super depressed, I received an email from someone who told me that I was like the woman caught in the act...or the woman at the well with five husbands... this is when I realized that Christians are sadly really good at shooting their own wounded. Did they really think this was helpful?  It was my nonbelieving friends, or those who had also been through a divorce, that came to my side, got down on their knees to cry with me and help me back up. One of my brothers called me and said these simple words, "I just want you to know I am here for you and I love you." That was it. It was the most tender phone call I received. 

You know those women mentioned above, the woman caught in the act and the woman at the well were confronted by Jesus and He, who had all the knowledge, knew all the details, didn't say to them, "What you're doing is shameful! How could you?" No, Jesus did what my brother did, tenderly said, "I am here for you and I love you." Not in those exact words of course but He certainly didn't shame them; He offered redemption and hope and living water. 

It's sad that we are sometimes known for shooting our own wounded, the gossip that goes on in church is what is sinful, shameful and wrong! It's why gossip is mentioned right along with murderers, liars and thieves who will not inherit the kingdom of God. That means that it's a seriously egregious act -we need to be careful of that! The divorce rate so high these days, and even more than 50% within the church, that is a sad statistic. It also means that the person you're sitting next to in church has probably gone through it or is going through it. Be kind, tenderhearted, empathetic. Avoid shooting the wounded.

So many lessons here and God has blessed me immensely; I cannot end without sharing how. Growing up among so much divorce was difficult and painful but the blessings are my siblings; there are 11 of us and I love them all. By the grace of God, my ex and I are friends today. Over the years we have called  each other to pray for our boys and for each other and our spouses. As Babe has been going through cancer, my ex has called and prayed with him and for him - only God can do all of that healing. I am eternally grateful that I serve a living God who is still in the business of miracles. 

Pouring hope,

Nen♡

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Gal 6:2